A Few Things I Said I Would Never Do When I Had a Baby

Formula Feed    I know “breast is best” and I had every intention of breast feeding my daughter. I took a breastfeeding class prior to her birth, bought a state of the art breast pump, a pretty pink breast feeding cover and a Boppy pillow with several trendy patterned covers. A day or two after my daughter’s birth we discovered that my milk wasn’t coming in and the nurses had me supplementing my daughter’s diet with formula. I religiously pumped using the hospital grade pump and rejoiced when I pumped enough milk to cover the bottom of the bottle! Unfortunately, I never produced enough to adequately nourish my baby. After being released from the hospital I persevered by renting a hospital grade pump, taking supplements, increasing my water in-take and drinking Mother’s Milk Tea. But an appointment with a lactation consultant showed that my efforts weren’t improving my milk production and all I could produce at any given time was less than an ounce. I will never forget sitting in the pediatrician’s office when my daughter was only a few weeks old. We were making an extra visit because my daughter wasn’t gaining weight. I wept when the doctor gently told me I should give up on my breastfeeding journey. I felt like a failure and feared that my daughter wouldn’t develop properly and be scarred for life! I know people probably judged me when they saw me feeding my daughter formula, completely oblivious of my tremendous struggle and feelings of inadequacy. Leading up to motherhood I would have been one of those people judging. I was void of the knowledge that not producing milk was even a possibility. When I heard of a mother feeding formula to her baby I felt she had “given up” not wantingto be  inconvenienced  with the demands often accompanied by breastfeeding. There are many women who choose to formula feed but for me it wasn’t a choice. Although my body didn’t cooperate, my daughter and I are extremely close. She had a healthy first year of life, met all of her milestones and continues to thrive; scoring off the charts on a recent developmental screening administered by our Parent Educator. 

Give My Baby a Pacifier     On the day my daughter was born I told the nurses to put a “no pacifier” placard in her bassinet to ensure that she never be given a pacifier. What I hadn’t anticipated is the fact that my daughter was born with a lot to say and she wanted to ensure that everyone (even the family in the room down the hall) heard her! When her pediatrician visited us in the hospital she commented on my daughter’s thunderous cries. The doctor was finding it difficult to hear her heartbeat and questioned whether she had a pacifier. The nurses at the hospital must have felt the same way because after spending an hour in the nursery my daughter came back to the room with a green pacifier in her mouth! The pacifier stayed and my daughter used and adored her “paci”until she was close to two and half years old. It soothed her during car rides, helped her fall asleep and comforted her on airline flights. The pacifier didn’t delay her language development or harm her teeth. Although getting my daughter to relinquish her pacifier was a bit painful for the entire family, as I look back on my days prior to motherhood I can’t help but feel a bit quilty at the mother I scoffed at who had given her older toddler a pacifier on the airplane. I thought the child was too old for a pacifier but the woman was traveling alone and as a mommy I view that nothing short of a true victory! I published a story on this blog  in March titled “The Pacifier,” which details the adventures my daughter had with her beloved “paci.”

The Pacifier 

I never wanted my daughter to have a pacifier. After my daughter’s birth I specifically told the nurses I didn’t want my baby to have a pacifier, so they honored my wish and put a card in her bassinet that said NO PACIFIER. Everything was going as planned until she came back from a visit to the nursery with a bright green pacifier in her cute little mouth!

IMG_2189It would have been easy to mention something to the nurses and to stick to my original “no pacifier plan” but my daughter was born with something to say. She has no volume control and when she cries everyone hears her! In fact, I bet everyone in the entire hospital heard her cries! When her pediatrician, Dr. Hartman, examined her at a mere day old, she couldn’t hear her heartbeat because her crying was so loud. Dr. Hartman asked, “Do you have a pacifier for her?” The doctor continued, “She sure has a healthy set of lungs!” I’m thinking she may be a future opera singer or a Broadway Baby who can belt out a tune without a microphone. Or maybe she’ll be a cheerleader who can easily be heard by the fans in the stands. So against my original plan, my baby left the hospital addicted to her paci. The brand they use at the hospital are called Soothies. Probably a marketing ploy to make parents feel better about giving their little ones a pacifier. And that is the brand she has preferred from newborn to infant and into toddler-hood.

I have to admit the paci was a lifesaver during those first months. Like it’s name implies, it soothed my little girl while she slept and was irreplaceable when we sleep trained her at a year old. Lillian became obsessed with her pacifier. She never left home without it and always had it in her mouth when she went to bed. It soothed her during stressful situations like long road trips, airline flights and meeting new people. It brought security when she met her idol, Mickey Mouse and comforted her when she was separated from mommy. I even recall her saying on several occasions, “I love my paci!” I knew weening her off of her beloved paci would be a challenging task.

Lillian with her pacifier at Disneyland.

After our trip to Disneyland, where she relied on her paci more than I would have preferred, I decided to begin the weening process. Since Lillian is an auditory learner who comprehends everything she hears, I began to talk about a “paci free world.” She had a tendency to bite through her pacifiers so I told her when this happened she would have to throw the paci away. She would walk around the house saying, “Mamma throw my paci away.” She had two pink pacifiers left and then she bit through one and to my surprise willingly threw that one away. I also began talking about replacing the pacifier with a tank full of goldfish. She loves the small aquarium at the library so I was hoping the thought of having a tank of her own would be the motivation she needed to let go of the last paci. So for weeks I talked about this proposition. I could tell she was processing the scenario because on several occasions Lillian inquired, “I would still have my Sweetie Pie and blanket?”
Sometimes things happen when you least expect them. After a fun filled day exploring Purina Farms, my family and I returned to the car to find that Lillian’s last pacifier was missing. In a panic I searched the car high and low and was unable to locate it. So my dad said, “The pups at Purina Farms must have taken your paci.” Lillian was distraught and clearly missed her paci but since it was really lost there was nothing that could be done. She had a difficult time falling asleep that first night but since she still had her Sweetie Pie and her blanket she successfully soothed herself to sleep. So just like that she was weened. With her wild imagination and problem solving skills she comments regularly, “Sweetie Pie will fly and get my paci.” But as each day passes she mentions it less and less. 

Carefully selecting fish after giving up her pacifier.

I am proud of my little girl and never imagined that entering a “no paci world” would go so smoothly. Now it is time to tackle another toddler right of passage, potty training.